My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
