i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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