I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
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