Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
