Just fell off a train. Bad.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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