it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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