Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
