I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
