careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Randomize
