This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize