So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
