Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
