You smell like a Billy Joel song
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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