hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
