OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
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Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
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We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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