my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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