$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
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i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
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You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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