I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize