I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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