if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
