how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I think a kid would responsible me up
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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