she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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