OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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