maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
