the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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