Can Purell be used as lube?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
You left your underwear on the fireplace
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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