so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
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When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
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She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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