Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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