I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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