At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
