we're chasing vodka with high fives
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
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