Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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