I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I have aggressive nipples.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
