Cold hands, warm shart.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
