Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
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