I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
