The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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