new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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