Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
He passed out mid-signature
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
