HIV tests are more positive than that guy
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
