I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Randomize
