just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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