Redeem this text for a blowjob
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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