One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
