You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
