dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
i know! what is this dateline?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Did I show you my penis last night?
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.