she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize