Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
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