My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize