i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
