i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I cut my penus on the lid.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
