U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Randomize
