i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
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