i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
