3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Randomize
