The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
His hands were made for my vagina.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
the liver wants what the liver wants
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
