she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
