I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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