I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
