yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
