idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
