I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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