i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
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