U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
