god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
