I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
