I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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