She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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