Umm I'm too high to move.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
