You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
