One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
