Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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