Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
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