she was so not down for the gang bang
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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