No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
